I am in quite the mood to share..n this was a poem/letter I wrote in one of the darkest times in my life..I think I draw comfort knowing that whoever am referring to..doesn’t really know its about them.. Nonetheless, I hope someone can relate with this..here goes..
As I sit down to pen this
A voice telling me its nonesense
I wouldn’t care less..
Rather.. I count my losses..
As I try again to come to terms with my menaces..
I guess what am trying to say is sorry
Am sorry that I hate the word sorry
Am sorry that ur sorry
Am sorry I couldn’t hold on to you
Am sorry I didn’t say I love you
Am sorry I dint believe in you
Am sorry I didn’t tell you the truth
Am sorry that I ignored you
When you reached out to me..I failed too
Am sorry at the time I didn’t want u
Am sorry that love wasn’t enough
Am sorry I was so close, yet so far…
Yet you said we were in this together..
Am sorry I felt u were not good enough
Pretty enough.. Not worthy of me much
Am sorry I constantly yelled at you
When I should’ve just told u
What exactly bothered me about you
Am sorry that I wasted my time
Pushing you away..
When I should have spent it holding you
Am sorry that i dint realise that tym was not on our side
At least wen w’ere together..it never is
Am sorry that I had u for a while..
Am sorry that I didn’t acknowledge your efforts
Of trying to fix what was broken
Am sorry that I left so many words unspoken
Am sorry I was too self-absorbed
Am sorry I failed to cheer you on..
Am sorry I became impatient.
I just wanted happy ever after that moment..
Am sorry your definition of “change” wasn’t in my vocabulary..
Unavailable in my pictionary
Am sorry I didn’t wish you a happy valentines last february
Am sorry I didn’t trully forgive u from my heart.
All the transgressions that u did past.. Am sorry for a whole load of things..
I wish I could take back n make right
Am sorry I didn’t love with all my might
Am sorry my family got involved
Am sorry my uncle picked up my fone
It was indeed intentional..
I just thought that we could all get along
Am sorry things got outta hand.
Their were too many things I couldn’t stand..
Am sorry I looked down on you..
The worst thing a potential wife could ever do..
Am sorry two years ago u were a beautiful man..
Am sorry I changed you n drove u mad..
Getting you to start smoking n all
Am sorry I couldn’t stay to undo my wrongs..
I became selfish n hoped that u did the wrong..
Am sorry I gave up on u so fast
Yet u kept telling me I was the only one u loved
You had no thoughts of goin back..
Am sorry I put you down with my actions.
Now..I see, its no longer my satisfaction
Am sorry I let people dictate what love is supposed to be..
I know now what its meant to be..
Am sorry that my ego got the best of me..
That even friendship is now a distant reality..
Am sorry I didn’t picture u as a father
Am sorry for making u feel like u were a coward..
I was hung up on little details..like ur looks..education
All those things I paid too much attention
Am sorry It felt like oppression
I should have believed in ur truth
Am sorry I never bothererd
No sorry is big enuf to say this..
N trust me wen I say I regret this mostly
Am sorry I didn’t believe in you..
Am sorry I did not encourage you too..
Am sorry that the past was too hard to forget… Too hard to move on..
Am so sorry we were never meant to be
Am sorry I keep hoping that u constantly think of me..
Am sorry that I miss u terribly
Am sorry that I miss u chasing after me
Am sorry that I hope u can’t stand the thought of being without me..
That ur world is crushing since am not innit..
Am sorry that I wish u’d pick up the fone n call me
Am sorry that I wish u knew how crazy u make me..
Am sorry that I wish u’d say one more time how much u miss me
How u can’t wait to kiss me.. 🙂
So much for wishful thinking
Am sorry I made you cry..
I promise that day I died inside..
Am sorry that I asked for too damn much..
Instead of thanking God that I could feel ur touch
Am sorry that its too late to have u back
All my efforts have fallen flat
It would be a felony if anyone found out
Am sorry that I miss your face..
Am sorry I miss looking into ur eyes
That cheesy laugh n smile..
And I wish that destiny brings us back
Am sorry that I kept so much inside
That it is now through this letter..
I now reside..
If u do get to read this..
In my dreams maybe or in reality..
In another lifetime or In this
I’m Still a hopeless romantic..
Unbelievable isn’t it?
This time around very sorry
There’s a part of me that hopes u dont get to know this
But if you do..oh well..u can act or not upon it..
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